Music Man
by Z LOT847
Summary: This is less of a several chapter story, and more of a bunch of quick skits involving my OC, me.
1. Chapter 1

**YO! I'm here! I published mo' stuff! And you be readin' it bwah!**

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN JACK SHIT. Don't sue me, I don't fucking have anything…**

Shikamaru slowly walked to the gates of Konoha, sighing as he went. _Man, this is such a drag…_

He wasn't pleased to have to wake up earlier than noon to find orders to escort some neosound ambassador around the village. _Friggin' Naruto… why is it always my job? I have enough to deal with with Temari… he just loves giving orders, doesn't he…_

Arriving at the gate, he saw a… person. He wasn't like any shinobi Shikamaru had seen. His oversized brown pants were sagging on his upper thighs, and with the wind, Shikamaru could see bright blue shorts and grey underwear. _Jeez, he dresses worse than Naruto…_ His bright yellow shirt had a skull-and-fleur pattern on it, and he had white shoes that surrounded his feet, unlike the typical shinobi sandal. As he got closer, Shikamaru saw that he had a black hooded sweatshirt sitting next to him.

"Yo! You the guide dude?" Shikamaru sighed. It was gonna be a long day… "Yeah, yeah, let's just get this over with…" the two started walking towards the center of the village, talking.

"What, am I annoying you already? Nah, just kidding, I'm Miles by the way."

"Shikamaru. I have to ask, what's with the clothes? It seems like it'd be hard to fight like that."

"Not really. The upside is that with my shit all loose, I'm hard to read."

"Hm. Point. So what's up with this new- sorry, **neo**sound village? I heard that it's really small."

"Yeah, we have few ninja, but our ninja clans are off the chain!"

"The what?"

"Sorry, personal slang. It means awesome. We got the Quinns, which is where I come from, the Gallivans, the Millers, and the Marquez's."

"I don't recognize any of the names. Where are they from?"

"All of us are from the eastern part of the country. My clan specializes in sound based techniques, and a few of us breed ninja cats. The Millers focus on earth jutsu and they have a general trait of superhuman strength, even for a ninja. My friend Quentin once lifted a mountain during training."

"Jeez."

"Hell yeah. The Gallivans are mostly ninja cat breeders, and they came up with a technique that lets them suppress their fear without sacrificing reason. It's weird though, my friend connor gallivant has dated six girls and all of them went lesbian out of nowhere."

Shikamaru dropped his cigarette and stared in shock.

"Yeah, I know. Anyway, the marquez's are real cool. My friend uses this jutsu that brings his drawings to life and lets him size them however he wants. You have a guy like that here, right?"

"Yeah, Sai. He's going out with my teammate Ino."

"Okay, well- Damn, dude, who's that? She's fuckin' smokin'!"

"That is the Hokage's wife, Hyuga Hinata."

"Oh. Hehe. Ouch."

Suddenly, a yellow and orange blur popped out of nowhere and wrapped Hinata in a huge hug.

Miles said, "The Hokage?"

"That's the one."

As this conversation took place the happy Hokage and his wife started getting into a game of tonsil hockey, with Naruto lifting Hinata off the ground and her wrapping her legs around his waist.

"Um, intimate."

"Yeah, but I'm glad I don't have to do that with my wife. That'd be such a drag…"

"Well, I think I've had enough excitement for one afternoon. I'm gonna go find the hotel. Seeya."

"Sure. Later."

But Miles had already stuck two white wires in his ears and started walking away, bobbing his head to music that apparently only he could hear.

**And that's Chapter One!**

**I'm gonna update a second chapter later, even if no one reviews.**

**But I will do that thing where I give a shout out to everyone who does review. Later! Z-to-the-L-to-the-O-to-the-T, with an eight-fo-seven flyin' atchu, B!**


	2. Chapter 2

Music Man CH2: sparring with a Buddha like god-person (ME!)

Shikamaru decided to head to the practice field before going to meet with Miles. As he arrived, he saw Miles standing in front of a wooden practice dummy. He made a gesture, and a light flashed before he was replaced by a man who appeared to be half man half jaguar. (KING FROM TEKKEN IN DA HOUSE)He growled at the dummy and proceeded to give it the most crazy combo-whupass-beatdown-shitkicking that Shikamaru had ever seen. He then transformed back into miles, who proceeded to stomp on the dummy three times saying

"FUCK YO COUCH!"

"hey, calm down, what'd it do to you, dude?"

"Oh, hi shikamaru. This thing? Shouldna been talking shit."

"what did it say?"

"… yeah,… I made that one up."

"Troublesome…"

"Is that like your catchphrase or something?"

"I guess…" '_Troublesome…_'

"I got one: Try, Fail, Cheat until caught, Lie to get out of it, Repeat." (AN: Big props to whoever I got that from, I can't remember your name. sorry.)

As they talked the jaws theme slowly appeared until suddenly a "_**SPRINGTIME OF YOOOOOOOOUTH!"**_ was heard, and rock appeared out of freaking nowhere.

"Hello friends, I notice that you are up early this wonderful morning!"

"Actually, I am here to Enlighten those who do not understand the awesomeness of YOUTH!"

Lee looked at Miles in awe, then shouted "BRETHEREN!"

While lee and miles were doing the back-and-forth shouting name thingamajig, miles sent a clone to replace the one shouting with lee.

Shikamaru said "so you speak 'springtime of youth'?"

Miles said "yeah, I speak lawyer too."

The author said "screw it im finna let you figger out whos talking…"

(but just to let you down easy…)

SHIKAMARU: "So what the hokage and his wife did yesterday could be described as_…_"

MILES: "…a juvenile display of the highest…"

"…caliber, which can be persecuted…"

"…based on the severity…"

"…of the given situation."

"…"

"…"

"Duuuuude."

(_**cue fist bump**_)

(_**cue lee… nuff said.**_)

"MILES MY FRIEND, I INSIST THAT WE SPAR!"

(AN: didja see me randomly add in that fight scene? Didja?)

"so, lee, do you want to fight me-me, or me-transformed into pwnage warrior-me?"

"I would like to see this warrior thing!"

"Ok, but don't say I didn't warn you…"

"but you didn't warn me…"

"ok, then YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!"

"No I haven't…"

"aah screw it we're fighting!"

ITS ALL OVER! Okay, I tried to do better with the humor, tell me whatcha think!

Gotta do my shout outs now (peace to:)

Purpul Haz3 with a positive review! WOOBUDDY!

ScarletSheets, who convinced me to do this in the first place, YOU GO GIRL!

Paosheep, who gave me my second review evar! And now your name reminds me of the sheep level in Tekken6… must play now!

Only three people, but if you review you will be added to the list unless I miss your thing or I feel spiteful… Till next time faceless online pplz… -Z


	3. Chapter 3

Music Man Ch3: DA BIG FIGHT

I own nothing. neither Naruto nor Tekken. I have a copy of tekken 6 tho'…, not owning borderlands, either.

Lee and Miles started going back and forth, as miles had switched back into his half jaguar state. Lee threw kicks, flying punches and the occasional flaming sunset background. Miles threw elbows, stomp kicks, and the occasional crazy wrestling move. Lee looked to be on the defensive, but suddenly, miles grabbed him, choked him for a second, switched into a sleeper hold, and proceeded to do a human necktie (find it in king's tekken move list).

Lee busted out the first gate of native-american-looking pwnage factor, and the battle truned in his favor, he kept wupping the ass of Miles, but Miles finally managed to end the fight with a running Jaguar Bomb (also in his tekken move list)

Suddenly, lee chomped down on a Major insta-health vial(from Borderlands), and was revived instantly.

He quickly whipped out a pair of nunchuks, and started putting his uncle Bruce to shame with his moves. Miles summoned up a stopsign and cracked lee over the head with it. you just can't beat a stopsign.

After they dropped Lee off at konoha hospital, and making sure hinata knew what happened, they went for lunch. Based on all the other stories the author has read, Ichiraku Ramen is apparently the only source of food in all of Konoha, which might explain why they ended up there.

Teuchi saw them coming, and asked if they knew anyone who could help out in the shop because ayame was off somewhere at the authors convenience. Miles quickly summoned up the half martial artist half chef, marshall law. Business was good that day and im not going to descrtibe it becasue it was a loing day and mai hands are sore.


	4. Chapter 4

Music man CH4

Soooooo, being the lazy bastard that I am, I put in a time skip between ch3 and ch4, so this happens the next day…

Choji was walking down the street to where Miles was staying. Shikamaru had been kidnapped by Temari, and had gotten Choji to fill in for him. As Choji arrived he saw Miles with the earbuds in again, although he didn't know what they were. (AN: seeing as I rule this universe, I have an ipod. Because I am jesus here.)

"Miles?"

"…ack da… dah dah dah daah… me some…"

Choji tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. Miles took the earbuds out and said hi. They introduced themselves, and then Choji asked

"What was that you were humming earlier?"

"A song. I could use a bit of genjutty thingie to show you."

"Cool!"

--1 minute later—-

Choji was more than a little freaked out about the lyrics singing stuff like "Smack dat, all on the flo', Smack dat, get me some mo, Smack dat, till you ge so', smack dat, uooooh…" and was about to ask him to stop when anoter person started talking, saying stuff like "Looking like one of them booty-cat dolls, Trying to hold my woodie back through my drawers," he had had enough.

Soon afterward, Miles revealed that he could recreate any sound or sight that he had seen or heard, and proceeded to demonstrate. The demonstration consisted of several flashes of things like knives, cars, explosions, and finished up with a very shapely pair of D cups, the last of which was accompanied by a comical boing sound.

"so what good is that during combat?" asked Choji

"I dunno, but I was walking around yesterday, I think I found a few songs that fit a few of the people I saw…"

"Like who?"

"You know that one lady who wanders around with the girl and the pig?"

"Lady Tsunade? Whats her song?"

"Check this…"

_MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY, GET OUT THE WAY BITCH, GET OUT THE WAY!!!!!_

"Okay! Okay, miles I get it!"

"really? It's a good song…"

"uhh, who else do you have?"

"Weeeeeeellllllllll… I got one for naruto."

"Let's hear it." _"I'm going to regret this…"_

_Hey girl __Woman just get yuh head inna di zone Get properly crunked then Willie di Bounce When I see yuh just throw dem bones Gal move up yuh body mek dem see yuh full grown!_

"… hold on, what did you just say? Heyd innawah?"

Miles: O__O

Choji: o__o

Miles: O__o

Miles: "Okay, someone else…"

Ten minutes and one extremely lazy author later…

"Well, that's everyone."

(INSERT SOMETHING HAPPENING TO MAKE THE NEXT STATEMENT MAKE SENSE HERE)

"See you later dude."

"yeah, see ya."

See what I did there? -_-' we call that "authorness jesus powers. Yeah. Awzmofoshizzle." SEE you next time and enjoy this text middle finger!

..I.,

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	5. Chapter 5

Hey, another update, I will take requests for chapters on this story. PM me, and I will reply soon. Chapters can be anything you want.


	6. Chapter 6

HA! You all thought this was going to be a real chapter and it isn't! I am turning you all into serial killers! No cereal will be safe near you! Not even the evil cocoa puffs that look like they were carved out of rocks in all the commercials! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAmeHA! Yeah, no inspiration yet, but the next chapter will definitely have a reference to Aesop rock in it, so yeah, till next time

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